Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

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Bucket Mouse
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Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by Bucket Mouse » Mon Mar 24, 2014 10:12 am

So if anyone was in the dealers' room on Saturday afternoon and heard enraged shouting, that was me.
My boyfriend and I were just hitting the dealers' room after the 10 AM lolita fashion panel, so I was still dressed in my coordinate. I felt something soft on my upper arm.
Boy in white fedora w/plush cat paw on stick: *stroke, stroke*
Me: What do you want?
Fedora Boy: *stroke, stroke*
Me: DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO THAT?!?!?!?
Fedora Boy promptly melted into the crowd, without a word OR an apology.
I don't expect one; I don't expect anyone to step forward and say that they know this kid. But by some miracle that someone DOES know who he is, or if he's reading that message, that was not cool. At all.
It's not cool when you're poking someone wearing Angelic Pretty.
It's not cool when you're poking someone wearing Ryuko from Kill la Kill.
It's not cool when you're poking someone wearing a full Survey Corps uniform with homemade three dimensional maneuvering gear.
It's not cool when you're poking someone wearing Deadpool.

My message to anyone reading this: If you ever witness someone doing something to a person and the person is uncomfortable about it, you have every right to go over and say "cut it out."
And if someone does this to you: You have a right to get angry; you have a right to shout profanity; you have the right to defend yourself if necessary.
Rant over; thank you for reading.
tl;dr: Little fedora boy invaded my personal space without my consent.

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dstnyskr
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by dstnyskr » Mon Mar 24, 2014 10:47 am

Bucket Mouse wrote:So if anyone was in the dealers' room on Saturday afternoon and heard enraged shouting, that was me.
My boyfriend and I were just hitting the dealers' room after the 10 AM lolita fashion panel, so I was still dressed in my coordinate. I felt something soft on my upper arm.
Boy in white fedora w/plush cat paw on stick: *stroke, stroke*
Me: What do you want?
Fedora Boy: *stroke, stroke*
Me: DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO THAT?!?!?!?
Fedora Boy promptly melted into the crowd, without a word OR an apology.
I don't expect one; I don't expect anyone to step forward and say that they know this kid. But by some miracle that someone DOES know who he is, or if he's reading that message, that was not cool. At all.
It's not cool when you're poking someone wearing Angelic Pretty.
It's not cool when you're poking someone wearing Ryuko from Kill la Kill.
It's not cool when you're poking someone wearing a full Survey Corps uniform with homemade three dimensional maneuvering gear.
It's not cool when you're poking someone wearing Deadpool.

My message to anyone reading this: If you ever witness someone doing something to a person and the person is uncomfortable about it, you have every right to go over and say "cut it out."
And if someone does this to you: You have a right to get angry; you have a right to shout profanity; you have the right to defend yourself if necessary.
Rant over; thank you for reading.
tl;dr: Little fedora boy invaded my personal space without my consent.

I'm sorry that happened to you.
Perhaps it would have been better to say "Could you please stop doing that? it makes me feel uncomfortable." They probably would have stopped right there.

I feel at most (mainly) anime cons there are always people who don't have the social or moral capacity to understand to respect people's personal space (or personal bubble). People can be really stupid and rude.
Sadly, you are always going to have to face people like that in the world (in con or not). It's a strange world out there.

Now when you say "Boy" of what age would you say he was?
Let destiny decide.
~AB veteran 2006-2017(missed '15)~

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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by Aviflora » Mon Mar 24, 2014 11:05 am

I have had -many- experiences like this throughout my many years attending AB. I believe you did the right thing. I do not know the boy you speak of, but there are some people that just don't understand boundaries. Good on you for making sure he stopped! :D

Once some guy tried to cut me in line at a 10:00PM panel. It was after a long day of being in an uncomfortable costume and not eating since noon. I was with a very good friend of mine, and I am usually the docile one of the group... But when this guy popped up right in front of me saying "Cutsies!", I, quite frankly, lost my friggin' mind. I won't go into details, but I let him know exactly how I felt. Sometimes, it's just what you need to do.

I am also currently getting over the worst bout of Con Plague I've ever had to endure (yaaay flu), so I really hope this all made sense.
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by Bucket Mouse » Mon Mar 24, 2014 11:08 am

dstnyskr wrote: I'm sorry that happened to you.
Thank you.
dstnyskr wrote:Perhaps it would have been better to say "Could you please stop doing that? it makes me feel uncomfortable." They probably would have stopped right there.
When I read that statement, it gave me the impression that I didn't tell him to stop correctly. I am pretty sure that wasn't your intent when you wrote that. Different people deal with adversity in different ways.
dstnyskr wrote:Now when you say "Boy" of what age would you say he was?
Lower high school years, approximately 5 feet tall; dark curly hair and medium toned skin. He kind of reminded me of 1980s Michael Jackson.

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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by enco404 » Mon Mar 24, 2014 11:18 am

Had kind of a similar experience, was walking around on the third floor when some kid grabbed my hand and started leading me around. at first I thought he was shaking my hand or bringing me somewhere for a photo (I had a large helmet on so I couldn't always hear people ask for photos) and then after a minute or so he asked me where we were going. Very confused as he grabbed my hand first and didn't exactly let go when I tried to pull away a few times made for an awkward situation.
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by AlbinoShadow » Mon Mar 24, 2014 11:35 am

The same thing happened to me in the dealer room around noon on Saturday. Your description of the culprit sounds very familiar...not entirely sure if it was the same person though. Someone started stroking my sleeve and I turned around and this younger guy was just smiling at me. It was a crowded area so I just left, but this is something I would prefer NOT occur, especially as the majority of my cosplay was white.

Touching other people's cosplay without permission is not cool. 99.9% of the time I'll say yes if you ask, but please just ASK! Some people just need to be called out on their garbage x3
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by Master of NERV » Mon Mar 24, 2014 11:53 am

If it ever happens again and the person won't stop, make sure to call Security--and if he bolts, try at least to get the badge name.
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by Bucket Mouse » Mon Mar 24, 2014 12:05 pm

AlbinoShadow wrote:The same thing happened to me in the dealer room around noon on Saturday. Your description of the culprit sounds very familiar...not entirely sure if it was the same person though. Someone started stroking my sleeve and I turned around and this younger guy was just smiling at me. It was a crowded area so I just left, but this is something I would prefer NOT occur, especially as the majority of my cosplay was white.

Touching other people's cosplay without permission is not cool. 99.9% of the time I'll say yes if you ask, but please just ASK! Some people just need to be called out on their garbage x3
Holy squeak, that is the exact same time frame around when it happened to me so I'm 100% certain that was the same little brat.

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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by Convergence Cosplay » Mon Mar 24, 2014 12:24 pm

Sorry that happened to you. Don't know the culprit. I was actually very surprised that the "Cosplay is not consent" messages were virtually non existent this year; especially given the amount of people who showed this year. Honestly touching anyone's, guys or girls, cosplay without permission is a BIG no no. Often the costumes, and props, are very delicate and can easily be ruined by such action
I had a similar thing happen last year, though I'm a dude tho so the genders here are reversed, but I was in my Greed cosplay, and some girl with a Me Gusta mask in the dealers room just up and grabbed my arm (the one I had painted as Greed's shield) from behind and started stroking it. I didn't freak out or anything and more or less played it off, but it was very awkward to say the least. :?

I myself am guilty however of occasionally tapping other cosplayers on the shoulder to ask them for photos when calling out to them fails to get their attention, but I try my best not to do it to the female cosplayers, especially the lightly dressed ones, as I can see how much of a space invasion.

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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by AlbinoShadow » Mon Mar 24, 2014 2:30 pm

Master of NERV wrote:If it ever happens again and the person won't stop, make sure to call Security--and if he bolts, try at least to get the badge name.
He didn't seem persistent in following me or anything. At least, when I walked away, that was that.
Bucket Mouse wrote:Holy squeak, that is the exact same time frame around when it happened to me so I'm 100% certain that was the same little brat.
Huh, so he may have been a repeat offender. I hope that someone told him off! In retrospect, I wish I had been a bit more proactive x3
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by dstnyskr » Mon Mar 24, 2014 4:23 pm

Bucket Mouse wrote:
dstnyskr wrote:Perhaps it would have been better to say "Could you please stop doing that? it makes me feel uncomfortable." They probably would have stopped right there.
When I read that statement, it gave me the impression that I didn't tell him to stop correctly. I am pretty sure that wasn't your intent when you wrote that. Different people deal with adversity in different ways.
dstnyskr wrote:Now when you say "Boy" of what age would you say he was?
Lower high school years, approximately 5 feet tall; dark curly hair and medium toned skin. He kind of reminded me of 1980s Michael Jackson.
You are under the correct impression. If you had said that statement he would not have probably stroked you a second (or third) time, more furthering your anger and feeling of discomfort. I have been put in situations in the past were someone, who I do not know, has touched me. I say the same statement and it works the first time around with no further issues. And if there is further issue I go tip off the right personnel of the culprits wrong-doing.
But what's done is done.

I believe I had seen that 'boy' you speak of...I hope he gets caught and spoken too. It seems this wasn't his first offense from what others have commented.
Let destiny decide.
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by ProdigyFandork » Mon Mar 24, 2014 4:50 pm

dstnyskr wrote:
You are under the correct impression. If you had said that statement he would not have probably stroked you a second (or third) time, more furthering your anger and feeling of discomfort. I have been put in situations in the past were someone, who I do not know, has touched me. I say the same statement and it works the first time around with no further issues. And if there is further issue I go tip off the right personnel of the culprits wrong-doing.
But what's done is done.

I believe I had seen that 'boy' you speak of...I hope he gets caught and spoken too. It seems this wasn't his first offense from what others have commented.
Victim blaming=100% not cool and she dealt with it in a way that was totally appropriate, the end.
Anime Boston attendee 2004-2014
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Tennis no Oujisama--Dan Taichi (2005,) Echizen Ryoma (2006 through 2010,) Oishi Shuichirou (2006,) Kaidou Kaoru (2011)
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Bleach--Inoue Orihime (2008, retired)
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by dstnyskr » Mon Mar 24, 2014 5:06 pm

ProdigyFandork wrote:
dstnyskr wrote:
You are under the correct impression. If you had said that statement he would not have probably stroked you a second (or third) time, more furthering your anger and feeling of discomfort. I have been put in situations in the past were someone, who I do not know, has touched me. I say the same statement and it works the first time around with no further issues. And if there is further issue I go tip off the right personnel of the culprits wrong-doing.
But what's done is done.

I believe I had seen that 'boy' you speak of...I hope he gets caught and spoken too. It seems this wasn't his first offense from what others have commented.
Victim blaming=100% not cool and she dealt with it in a way that was totally appropriate, the end.
I don't believe I am "Victim blaming" here. I'm just making a suggestion towards how to handle situations like that in the future.

She is %100 in the right that a stranger should NEVER stroke (or touch) another without permission. And I hope the culprit gets whats coming to them when they grow up and realize that touching others is not okay.

I'm just weary of what the person's mental integrity is. After 'Bucket Mouse' said (I'm assuming in a loud and intimidating manor) "DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO THAT?!?!?!?" the stranger could have acted 1 of 2 ways...either continued doing their action OR even having the possibility of escalating to a FIGHT or heated argument. Sadly, (but in a way thankfully) the person backed away. Sadly, no apology was given by the culprit.
Could you imagine if someone had not taken their medication or even had been severely drunk or high on a drug? you never know a strangers mental integrity.
Let destiny decide.
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by ProdigyFandork » Mon Mar 24, 2014 5:21 pm

dstnyskr wrote:
ProdigyFandork wrote:
dstnyskr wrote:
You are under the correct impression. If you had said that statement he would not have probably stroked you a second (or third) time, more furthering your anger and feeling of discomfort. I have been put in situations in the past were someone, who I do not know, has touched me. I say the same statement and it works the first time around with no further issues. And if there is further issue I go tip off the right personnel of the culprits wrong-doing.
But what's done is done.

I believe I had seen that 'boy' you speak of...I hope he gets caught and spoken too. It seems this wasn't his first offense from what others have commented.
Victim blaming=100% not cool and she dealt with it in a way that was totally appropriate, the end.
I don't believe I am "Victim blaming" here. I'm just making a suggestion towards how to handle situations like that in the future.

She is %100 in the right that a stranger should NEVER stroke (or touch) another without permission. And I hope the culprit gets whats coming to them when they grow up and realize that touching others is not okay.

I'm just weary of what the person's mental integrity is. After 'Bucket Mouse' said (I'm assuming in a loud and intimidating manor) "DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO THAT?!?!?!?" the stranger could have acted 1 of 2 ways...either continued doing their action OR even having the possibility of escalating to a FIGHT or heated argument. Sadly, (but in a way thankfully) the person backed away. Sadly, no apology was given by the culprit.
Could you imagine if someone had not taken their medication or even had been severely drunk or high on a drug? you never know a strangers mental integrity.
I'll clarify: she acted in a way that was appropriate for her. Had it escalated into further action, it would continue to not be her fault.

Saying that if she had dealt with it differently the assault wouldn't have been repeated IS victim-blaming, plain and simple.

The reason he continued to touch her was not because she didn't respond correctly. He continued to touch her because he has no respect for other people.
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Tennis no Oujisama--Dan Taichi (2005,) Echizen Ryoma (2006 through 2010,) Oishi Shuichirou (2006,) Kaidou Kaoru (2011)
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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by TaurenTom » Mon Mar 24, 2014 5:24 pm

From your reply, either of those would have been worse than the current reaction. In cases like that it is sometimes in the best interest of a victim to make a scene. You will want security to hear you, and you will want witnesses to what is going on or may happen next. I've been on con security for a few places and serve as a staffer for another con and one of the things we promote is making sure we know what's going on. Always try to get the attention of someone else for your safety and others. Especially if you feel in danger.

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Re: Personal Space; or Don't Poke The Lady

Post by ProdigyFandork » Mon Mar 24, 2014 5:57 pm

TaurenTom wrote:From your reply, either of those would have been worse than the current reaction. In cases like that it is sometimes in the best interest of a victim to make a scene. You will want security to hear you, and you will want witnesses to what is going on or may happen next. I've been on con security for a few places and serve as a staffer for another con and one of the things we promote is making sure we know what's going on. Always try to get the attention of someone else for your safety and others. Especially if you feel in danger.

This! :)

And always report to *somebody* when an event occurs! It's okay to make a big deal of it, even if you are worried that you are over-reacting.
Anime Boston attendee 2004-2014
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Cosplay
Tennis no Oujisama--Dan Taichi (2005,) Echizen Ryoma (2006 through 2010,) Oishi Shuichirou (2006,) Kaidou Kaoru (2011)
Ouran--Ep./Ch. 1 Fujioka Haruhi (2007)
Bleach--Inoue Orihime (2008, retired)
KHReborn!--Gokudera Hayato (2009)
One Piece--Marineford Coby (2012)
Homestuck--Lil Cal (2012,) Bedtime! Roxy (2013)
Kuroko no Basuke--Rule 63! Kise Ryouta (2014)

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